You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
