my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
