Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
