he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
