I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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