Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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