I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
