Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
