Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
