yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
