I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
