There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
