So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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