How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Did we literally take a cab across the street
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
