remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
