Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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