miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm like, not good at living.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
