if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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