anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
