Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
