I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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