hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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