I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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