I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
