there's paper in my vomit.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
