So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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