11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
