Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
