**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I forgot how hot balto sounded
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
