I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize
