Walk of Shame. In a state park.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
