I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
