took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize