I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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