she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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