Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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