It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I fill condoms, not promises.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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