I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
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He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
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Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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