Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
