This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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