What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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