oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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