Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Someone signed my nipple.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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