Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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