She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm just crazy horny about you
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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