I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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