His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
