My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
