Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
