That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
