last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
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You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
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He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize