I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
