mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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