Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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