I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
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We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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