thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
