The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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