im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
