Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
