can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
