dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Dignity is for republicans.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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