I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
