i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
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I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
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I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize