so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
