he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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