is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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