...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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