i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She announced her abortion via fbk
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
