Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So vagazzling was a success
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
