I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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