Screwed.edu
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
