I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
